10 things you’ll be doing in your first week back at work after Christmas

Christmas has come and gone. Bucks Fizz and Christmas cake breakfasts are no longer acceptable and Netflix will soon take down Elf and Love Actually. Sigh.

It only seems like 5 minutes ago we were excitedly putting on our out of offices and yet we’re already back to work. The New Year expectations of feeling refreshed and enthusiastic loom over our still-hungover heads as we fumble around trying to survive the first week back at work.

If you’re not sure where to even begin, here’s 10 things you’re guaranteed to be doing this week:

 

1) Try to remember what your job is

Why is your brain not working? Where do you even start!

 

2) Realise you’ve forgotten all of your passwords

And the IT guy isn’t back yet. Send help.

 

3) Throw away your sad-looking, dead plants

Sorry cactus no. 17.

 

4) Ask everyone you speak to if they had a nice Christmas before running out of responses to ‘it was lovely thanks’ without defaulting to the weather

You’re already too tired for small talk.

 

5) Avoid anyone you embarrassed yourself in front of at the Christmas party

Give up, you’ll get caught out at the water cooler before long.

 

6) Not want to admit you fell asleep at on the sofa 11pm on the 31st and saw the New Year in dribbling onto your pjs

So you just say it was ‘a quiet one’ instead.

 

7) Keep writing the date as 2018 

This one will last more than your first week, get used to it.

 

8) Feel bitter towards all colleagues who booked the whole week off

You’ll definitely do it next year.

 

9) Look for cheap, all-inclusive holidays

You’re already desperate for a holiday, is tomorrow too early to leave?

 

10) Look forward to lunch and almost cry when you remember you’ve got salad

You can’t give in to Greggs already, you’ve already drank 3 cups of green tea today.